Why your Healthy Habits won't stick
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Do you find that sometimes it’s just EASIER to hold onto good some habits than others? Sometimes your routine just clicks, and other times it feels easier to get home from work with a dinner you picked up on the way home, be absorbed by your couch and watch some Netflix.
I get it, I feel like so often our headspace and where we are at can make a huge impact on the little daily habits, things which should feel easy to control.
And then the guilt sets in,
“but I know how to do this”
“I was doing this right last week, how come I can’t do it now”
It’s easy to set up new habits.
And it’s easy for those new habits to dissolve.
So why do these new habits fall off so easily?
I know you’ve probably beaten yourself up and you tell yourself it’s a lack of motivation, or a lack of discipline, but this is not always true.
Let me tell you something, I don’t wake up every day feeling motivated. Some days I want to sleep in a bit longer and I’ve got 20,000 business things on my mind and can’t get in the headspace to train, or I feel sorry for myself because I have cramps. But they’re not enough reason for me to sway from the plan. Why’s this? Because I’ve already set my normal habits into motion.
Over my years of working with clients (and with myself) I’ve learnt a few things… so let’s chat about why your habits might fall away…
Negative Self Talk
This is an easy one to fall into, especially if you’ve trained your brain to do more, be better, and push harder by reminding yourself that what you’re doing isn’t ‘enough’ or not up to your standard. If you’ve found yourself being pushed by this before, I bet negative self-talk has come in to play when you feel like you’ve fallen off track with one of your new habits.
Just because something didn’t go how you want it to go doesn’t automatically make you a failure.
Or maybe you feel guilty? You let that anxious feeling creep up to remind you of all the things you haven’t done yet, or things you’ve haven’t gotten around to. If you find yourself in this headspace it’s very easy to feel overwhelmed by all the potential choices you need to make in the future. But “what if I fall off track when I go out for dinner”, “what if I don’t have time to exercise”. And as soon as one of your many ‘what if’ predictions comes true, you allow yourself to feel that guilt and sit in it, because it’s familiar.
And so often we go back to what is familiar and routine, even if it’s destructive, even if it doesn’t make us feel supported.
The hard lesson to learn here is to have some self compassion, because I bet the standard you impose upon yourself, is not one that you would apply to others. You probably just recoiled even at the thought of that.
So how do we practise compassion?
· Practice mindfulness
· Write a letter to yourself
· Get into the routine at the end of each day to write down 3 things you feel you did well, to remind yourself of the work you HAVE done, and not constantly be dragging yourself down with what is yet to come.
Your Focus Has Moved
Something’s changed, and that’s why the new habit doesn’t feel like it’s sticking so well anymore. And that’s okay. There’s going to be times where life is rocky and rough, where we feel like we’re scrambling to keep up. What I like to see this as, as a test, a period to adjust and form ‘fail safes’, ways to keep your habits going even when everything else turns to crap.
Maybe your work hours have changed, maybe your home life has changed.
You moved house, or you started a new degree. There’s always going to be pattern interruptions. And the first step is to accept that things will not always be the same, there’s always going to be a new obstacle to overcome.
Where your focus sits is what you drive yourself towards. You know the saying about how when you’re riding a bicycle or a motorbike that where you look is where you’ll go? It’s the same here.
Let’s say you just got home from work and had a rough day, and you feel like you couldn’t possibly have time to whip up a meal so you just pull up your phone and order something off Uber Eats, when in reality there’s plenty of nutritious meals you can make in less than 15 minutes that only require some basic ingredients. Your focus right now is on recovering from your day, so let’s focus on the recovery first, maybe that means doing a 5 minute meditation when you get home, something which will *actually* promote recovery, instead of just zombifying in front of the TV or laptop.
Health and your life don’t need to fight for attention. Your short term decisions to just skip a workout, or grab a takeaway meal to save ‘time’ will end up costing you more in the long run. Maybe this will appear as less energy, or a bad mood, or a lack of focus. Either choice we make we sacrifice something, maybe we sacrifice 10 minutes of sleep to prepare some lunch in the morning, so that the next couple of days we have more energy and a happy mood.
Can’t drink enough water during the day? Buy a bigger bottle that you’ll only need to refill once, and keep it on you at all times.
Can’t get your workouts in? Swap to shorter workouts for the time being and get them done first thing in the morning so you can’t put a ‘mental snooze’ on them and shove them back until later and later.
Find yourself snacking on things you feel like you shouldn’t toward the end of the day? Prep your snacks out in advanced and take them with you.
A good way to prompt your focus is by setting up a way to be reminded. This could include:
· Crossing off days on a calendar to form a streak
· Setting reminders in your phone (e.g. drink water)
· Include a small ‘to do’ list for each day which includes the main habits you’re working on (cap this at 1-2)
You Haven’t Understood How To Structure Your Habit
Habits don’t just magically happen on their own. There has to be something there to remind you to do them.
Instead of punishing yourself with guilt or negativity when you fail to perform a habit, try rewarding yourself each time you do. You’re more likely to perform a behaviour when it is reinforced positively in your mind.
I’m sure you’ve heard of this formula before, but I thought it may be worth showing again. A successful habit formation relies on 3 things:
1. The cue (or trigger) –
This is the part that reminds you to do something. So if you decided the new habit you want to build for yourself is to write a 3 point list at the end of each day to remind yourself of your accomplishments (to help combat negative self talk), your cue or trigger might be as soon as you pack up your work for the day, or maybe as soon as you walk in the door at home. The trick is to rely on a cue that will almost always happen. Think of habits that happen almost every day to build a consistent trigger, e.g. brushing your teeth, getting out of bed, putting on shoes, etc!
2. The Action
This is where you actually perform said task
3. The Reward
This is where your brain feels rewarded for performing said activity. The most effective reward is one that requires no effort from you. For example, if your habit was to write out 3 things you did well that day, afterwards you’ll feel accomplished and your brain will feel rewarded.
Addictive and destructive habits can be so good at giving us this same reward, which is why it’s so easy to build habits that we didn’t want or intend to. We know eating a whole block of chocolate isn’t good for us, but when we eat a small amount of that food it’s flavours hit a bliss point and sugary foods can often release a huge surge of dopamine, which, in the long-term can mimic the effects of addiction, and create cravings. This can then set off a loop where we feel bad > we eat the chocolate > we feel better again, and that’s how we’ve accidentally trained ourselves to seek comfort.
Remember, it’s not about your willpower.
It’s not about your learning ability.
It’s not about your motivation.
Maybe we’ve changed how we think about ourselves, what we think we deserve, or what we want to focus on.
I believe that by creating more self compassion we will perform the desired healthy actions we want out of love and kindness, rather than it feeling like a chore.
Once you start to settle into a nice routine with your new changes I want you to notice your mood, notice your energy, you should feel stable, bright, still, and at ease. Chase that feeling.